Hack n' Slash
by Hawki
Summary: Dragon Age/Shadow Realms Oneshot: There's a few standards that one has to observe in ARPGs. Loot, combat, more loot...Still, once in awhile, something unexpected happens.


_A/N_

_I've read comments that as per the nature of _Inquisition_'s multiplayer, the game may have entered ARPG territory. Don't really agree, but it did get me wondering as to what kind of overlap might exist between _Inquisition _and _Shadow Realms_, if any. Anyway, drabbled up this as a result._

* * *

**Hack n' Slash**

Killing monsters had become John's new day job.

Nowadays, he didn't even bother taking off his shirt, tie, or jacket when he was summoned to Embra. His XP (whatever that was, the Embrans were a strange people) was so high that nowadays, every skeleton, demon, and whatever else that crawled under the Embran sun was swept away before his might.

"Skeletons!"

One of his companions, a newbie, shouted it out. With a swirl of his hands, wielding a wand instead of a pen, the creatures were swept out of John's way. Skeletons, gone. Demons, gone. If shadowlords had pants, the one in this dungeon (it didn't look like a dungeon, but that's what it was called for some reason) was probably shitting them.

"Nice."

The newbie, looking as out of place as he was with black leather and an impractically large sword that looked like something out of cosplay, was staring at him in admiration. Shrugging, he kept on walking.

The "smart kid." He'd always been that in class. It was what got him into economics as well. And apparently the Embrans had picked up on that too because after deciding that John Smith, financial consultant at Millers & Co. was the hero they needed to save their world from the shadowlords (along with other chumps). So they'd made him a wizard due to his high intelligence and low strength. Like XP (still no idea what that was), the Embrans had ways of measuring these things apparently.

"Is it always like this?" the newbie asked.

John looked at him. "What?"

"This. Killing monsters so easily. You're such a badass!"

Badass. John couldn't ever remember being called a "badass."

"I mean, the way you take them out it-"

"Yeah," he said. "I'm a, er, badass. Killing monsters? No problem."

"…awesome!"

It was a lie. Like most recruits from Earth, he'd gone through the motions of being pulled into an alternate world as part of a century-long war against the Shadow Legions. Denial, anger, fear, soiled underwear, sweat, blood, and awkward discussions at the day's business meeting as to why he was such a mess had occurred as a result. Somehow, he'd survived it. Somehow, that "XP" the Embrans kept on going on about kept being raised. To the point where he was watching over newbies like…actually, he hadn't got the kid's name.

"Uh-oh."

And names would have to wait. Because they'd reached the end of the dungeon and the host shadowlord was there waiting for him. Hovering, glowing, looking evil. Basically what shadowlords usually did.

"Curses!" it cried. "My minions have been slain! You, hero…" He pointed a finger at John. "You shall pay for this!"

John sighed. Shadowlords. It was like they all had the same script or something. He'd even been called a "meddling kid" once.

"Look up at the sun, for you shall see it no more!"

Yep, definitely a script. They were in a dungeon. The sun couldn't be seen.

"Now die!"

Waving his arms, the shadowlord summoned skeletons from the ground. Casually, John gripped his wand. The newbie tightened his grip on his sword. Far tighter than someone who wasn't afraid had any right to.

_But he is afraid._

Course he was, John reflected. And albeit on an insignificant level, John was afraid as well. Skeletons, shadowlords. They were expected, true, but-"

**Crash!**

But a group of them were no longer a threat as part of the wall came sliding down.

"The hell?" John asked.

Some…_thing _came charging out. A giant, horned, grey-skinned thing. A thing wielding a giant axe.

"The hell?" the shadowlord asked.

The thing swung the axe around, cleaving skeletons in half.

"Awesome!" the newbie exclaimed.

More things followed the thing, John observed. Things that looked like humans, and if he didn't know better, elves and dwarves as well. Things that through a quick glance, he all saw had the symbol of a white sword through a white eye.

"Take them!" the shadowlord yelled. "Take them!"

The skeletons tried to. And failed. Because the "things" were kicking arse and taking names, the skeletons' lack of actual names notwithstanding. They were cleaved, shot, blasted away by magic. The kid stepped forward and John held out a hand.

"Leave it," he said.

"But, they're fighting! They-"

And the skeletons were gone.

"They don't need our help," John said.

That much was true. It was doubly true when the giant grey thing walked up to the shadowlord, who for whatever reason, wasn't moving. It was a lack of action that allowed the thing to grab the creature's head with both of its giant hands.

"Hands off me!"

Too late, the shadowlord realized its mistake. John could guess what was going to happen. And smirked.

"The Inquisition sends its regards," the grey-skinned thing said.

_Huh. Another Game of Thrones fan._

And then it squeezed. The shadowlord screamed. And a few seconds later, there was a "pop" sound, as if someone had opened a bottle of soft drink. A soft drink that now had its top pulverized and lying on the ground.

And it was over. John remained in place. The things before him milled around.

"Awesome!" the newbie exclaimed, proving that "awesome" was the only adjective in his vocabulary. "That. Was. Awesome!"

The things barely seemed to notice them. The grey-skinned thing cast a look at them for a moment, but then started moving towards the hole in the wall. A hole through which John could see green fields, blue skies, and a castle in the background. Something like Embra, but…_not_, Embra. How, he didn't know, maybe it was the XP talking, whatever that was. But still…

But still, nothing. Earth was one world, Embra was another. After everything he'd seen, he supposed a world of elves, dwarves, and grey-skinned giants wasn't too farfetched. So he watched them leave. And he watched the bricks fill up again. And he turned to the kid, who was already looking at him like a lovestruck puppy.

"Kid, I'm flattered, but I don't swing that way."

"What? No, I mean…did you _see _that?"

"Yeah." John walked over to the shadowlord's body. "Now it's loot time."

"Oh, yeah. Loot!"

"That's right, loot," John said, picking up a sword that had appeared beside the shadowlord's body for some strange reason. "And if anyone asks, we did the dirty work."

"But…that's a lie."

"True. But we'll get more gold that way."

The kid protested and John smiled. Elves, dwarves, skeletons, shadowlords. Creatures that weren't universal.

But economics were.


End file.
